Sullivan`s Travels Page #5

- No.

- Then don't pat yourself on the back.

- Take me with you.

- What?

On your experiment.

I don't want to be sent home.

Don't be childish.

I'll tell you what I'll do.

You can stay here for a couple of weeks

like I told you in the owl wagon,

and when I get back,

I'll see what I can do for you.

I don't want to start

all that stuff again.

Take me with you.

When you get as far as you're going,

we can say good-bye...

and I'll go the rest

of the way alone.

It'll make a nice ending, and we'll

finish what we started this morning.

It's absolutely

out of the question.

Please. You don't know

anything about anything.

You don't know how to get a meal,

how to keep a secret,

- and you can't even stay out of town.

- Thanks.

I know 50 times as much

about trouble as you ever will.

Besides, you owe it to me.

You sort of belong to me.

When you were a hobo, I found you.

- Piffle.

- Please.

- It's absolutely out of the question.

- I'll throw you in the water.

You'd take my mind off my work.

The big director that has

all the girls panting for him.

- I tell you...

- I'll follow you.

I'll tell everybody who you are,

like a kid sister.

You'll follow me?

Yes, I'll follow you,

and I'll holler, " This guy's a phony.

"This is Sullivan,

the big director from Hollywood...

a phonus-balonus, a faker, a heel... "

If I may join in

the controversy, sir,

I think the young lady's

suggestion an excellent one.

- You may not join in the controversy.

- I will, I will, I will!

- I'm going with you!

- You'll do nothing of the kind.

Would you get me some

tramp clothes, Mr. Burrows?

- Certainly, Miss. Certainly.

- Go down to the station and get me a ticket to...

- Where do you live?

- I won't tell you. I won't be sent home.

You stop that! Now, stop that!

Grab her feet!

Oh! Yes, sir, yes, sir.

Certainly, sir.

- Now, miss... Now, miss... Stop it, please, miss!

- I won't be sent home!

- Let go of me!

- Oh, my!

Mr. Burrows...

This way, Mr. Burrows.

There we are.

Now, one, two, three... Pull hard!

Hello, Information?

Have you any freight trains...

going east this afternoon

or early this evening?

Thank you very much, sir.

Oh, and could you tell me,

does that train carry tramps,

and if so,

where do they get on?

What? It's on page two.

- What did you say?

- Tramps.

How would you like

to take a flying... Wise guy.

Yes, sir?

What was that again?

I said I wonder if you'd be

kind enough to settle a bet for us.

Just a few of us

here at the club.

If a tramp were to board

your 5:
48 this afternoon,

from where would he board it?

I see. I see. Yes...

but not within the yard limits.

I think that gives me

the complete picture.

Thank you very much

for your trouble.

Oh, and by the way, I win.

Good day.

A different approach

to the same problem.

I think this is it, sir.

Why don't you go

back with the car.

You look about as much

like a boy as Mae West.

All right, they'll

think I'm your frail.

I believe it's called

a "beazel," miss, if memory serves.

- Good-bye, Burrows. See you in

a couple of weeks. - Good-bye.

May I close, sir, by warning you

against the entire expedition,

which I envision

with deep apprehension...

- and gloomy foreboding.

- Thanks. Same to you.

Come on.

Jump!

Come on. Here.

I'll help you.

- Let me up!

- I've got you!

- We made it!

- Yeah.

Amateurs.

Phew!

Oh. How do you do?

- Beautiful weather.

- If it doesn't rain.

How do you feel about

the labor situation?

Where are you going?

I hope we didn't disturb you.

- Very interesting couple.

- Yeah.

- Do you smell anything?

- I certainly do.

- What does it smell like to you?

- Hogs.

- That's what I was afraid of.

- I'm getting hungry.

How can you possibly

be hungry when you just ate?

I'm not a scientist.

All I know is I'm hungry.

You'd better tell the porter

to close the window.

I didn't ask you to come along

in the first place. Now that you're...

Don't start baking wise cracks.

- Dough, sir.

- Blasted draft in here, at that.

- Where is this train going?

- I don't know.

- How long does it take to get there?

- I didn't ask you to come along.

I think that's a perfectly

reasonable question.

Haven't you got enough imagination

to pretend we're broke,

hungry, homeless,

drifting in despair?

Let's just sit here and try

to feel like a couple of tramps.

- Cold?

- I'll be all right.

- It's the desert.

- I'll be all right.

As soon as this blasted thing

comes to a town someplace,

I'll send for a car

and have you taken home.

This is a lot

of "hokey-palokey. "

This is a terrible way

to travel, with a girl.

It's better with a girl than without

one. You would have frozen to death.

If I go back,

will you go back with me?

- Dodsense.

- Then I won't go back, either.

- You're so simple, you're apt to get into trouble.

- Why do you think I'm here?

Gee, I like that about you.

You're like those knights

of old,

who used to ride around

looking for trouble.

- Who was it who rode on a pure white horse?

- Lady Godiva.

She must have been a nut. I bet

her husband was sore. Are you jealous?

Why don't you shut up

and try to get some sleep.

- Will you go to sleep too?

- I'll try.

Why don't you try counting the hogs

jumping over a hedge?

Listen, short britches...

- What's that?

- Nothing. Just me.

- What?

- I sneezed.

- You what?

- I...

- I sneezed.

- Oh, you poor darling.

- Have you got hay fever?

- I think it's hog fever.

Oh, you poor lamb.

It'll be alright

as soon as the sun gets a little warmer.

Are you hungry?

You got me doing it.

- Have we got any eating money?

- Ten cents.

Can we spend it for breakfast,

or are you saving it for something?

Look, I've already told you,

I'll send for a car for you and...

I can't help it

if I'm good-natured.

I like to be with you,

and it puts me in a good humor.

You take lots of girls and made them

sleep in a hog sty all night,

and then didn't tell them

where their breakfast was coming from...

the next morning,

they wouldn't take it lying down.

We'll find some

breakfast somewhere.

- In some swill pail, I suppose.

- What do the other bubs do?

They steal chickigs... chickens.

and they roast them

over campfires...

with baked potatoes

and green corn on the cob...

- with melted butter...

- Shut up!

- Where do they get the butter?

- They steal it.

Well, they don't.

It isn't as easy as all that.

There's a lot of suffering

in this world...

- that ordinary people

don't know anything about.

- Now what's the matter?

- I'm hungry.

Well...

Hey, there's a town up ahead.

Let's get off

and see what happens.

- What town is it?

- I don't know. I suppose it's Hollywood.

Look, there's a lunch stand.

Come on.

Come on. I can't keep

running along here all day.

Here I come. Just a minute.

Well, come on.

- Did I hurt you any?

- Well, you didn't do me any good.

Come on.

A cup of coffee

and sinker for one.

I never eat till noon.

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